Russ Pitts put out an update on Twitter this afternoon about his new project to help geeks with depression, and I tweeted him a link to the post I wrote on Wednesday, the one about the response to his initial call and how awesome it made me feel. I hoped he would read it and take comfort in knowing that his initiatives were already doing good--hell, I wouldn't have minded a tweet back saying, "Thanks for sharing this," or something. What I did not expect was for him to retweet my silly ol' personal blog out to all of his followers, and I certainly didn't expect to receive kind, encouraging words from other members of the gaming press. But that's exactly what happened, and it made my afternoon on a level you likely wouldn't believe.
This is what I was talking about when I talked about how games writers band together.
For the record, I've been feeling better about myself for a little while, now. Sure, I get a little freaked out when I think about the myriad choices I "could" be making to help me advance into the games-writing field, but I've learned to turn on the blinders when that feeling comes up and follow my heart. I've made progress, slowly but surely, and I don't want to belittle the real forward momentum I've gained since I decided to start this journey last year by fruitlessly suggesting that I "could" be doing better. It doesn't help, and I've been happier trying to tune it out.
I wrote what I wrote to remind myself, if I get back to that unhappy place, that there's a way out. It's funny; whenever I try to sit down and talk out my real "issues," I end up downplaying them for my friends or counselor or what have you. It's like I don't want to get them down, so I assure them that it's not that bad. What I wrote the other night wasn't necessarily representative of my mental state all of the time, but I wanted to have written proof, a reference of how low I can get--it makes it easier to identify with myself when I'm ready to climb out. True healing comes from confronting your own demons, and I wanted to lay it out for myself on the page so I can face it down when the time comes.
I want to thank everyone who wrote to me and offered me the opportunity to talk. You don't know how much it means to know that, small as I am with only voulunteer sites and no paid articles to my name, you all made yourselves known and offered your hand in support. You are all incredible. You are the reason I do this. Well, apart from writing, but anyone with a Wordpress account can write--you make it possible for me to keep striving when I'm feeling bleak, and you're damn certain that you can count on me if ever you are in need. No bullshit--I will be there for you when you call, because that's how we do around here.
Ever since my first experience at a gaming event as a member of the press, I was blown away by how inviting and accepting everyone I met was. PR persons, game journos, everyone was too excited to see me poke my head into the ring, and I the camaraderie I experienced spending time with other cool dudes and dudettes who love writing and love video games is irreplaceable. In the spirit of thanks that I'm feeling right now, please let me extend my gratitude to everyone whom I've spent time with in the games-writing circle. Know that you have a Randy Newman-esque friend in me, and I will go to bat for you any time, anywhere. You're all awesome, every one of you, and it's a privilege to look forward to the next time we'll share a drink or exchange nostalgia-fueled debates over Sonic vs. Mario.
My sincerest thanks to the following persons:
Phil Kollar
Susan Arendt
Russ Pitts
A.J. Glasser
Justin McElroy
Justin Amirkhani
Andrew Hayward
Andrea Rene
Jessica Villareal
Cortney Zamm
Nick Chester
Annette Gonzalez
Eric Pope
Aaron Trites
Fish McGill
Jandreau
Jason Schreier
Steve Haske
Rob Rath
Steve Watts
Britton Peele
Scott Nichols
Tim Turi
Jim Reilly
Robin Kunimune
Alex Rubens
Tina Amini
Seán O'Sullivan
Ryan Morgan
Andrew Groen
Marc Lynch
Nate Hales
Andrew Whipple III
Linford Butler
If I missed anyone, I apologize; I just came back from a screening of Wreck-It Ralph, and my head's in all sorts of giddy places. You all inspire me, and just knowing that awesome folks like you are waiting for me when I finally make it--hell, on the way there!--gives me drive and focus.
PAX showed me how warm and inviting the games-writing industry is; you all confirmed it for me. Please let me know if I can do anything for you, and thank you again.
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